Depression is a funny old thing. Something that I thought I understood, but never really did until it hit me like a tonne of bricks.
Bricks that make you feel overwhelmed, frustrated, sad, lonely, unmotivated, empty, confused, tired, but most of all, not yourself.
I don’t want sympathy from sharing this; I just wanted to start up my blog again on a fresh slate, as a slightly different person with a new understanding for who am I, and what others are going through.
I noticed myself avoiding socialising, cleaning and just generally having fun about three months ago, but told myself I was just being lazy and needed to get a grip. Then my relationships with people started suffering, my motivation to get out of bed in the morning lessened, and my mood was more often low than high.
I didn’t exactly feel sad, I just felt like my life had a sort of ‘grey veil’ over it, like I was trapped in a slightly gloomy bubble and I was just going through the motions of everyday life, rather than enjoying it.
And I couldn’t get out of it. I didn’t even realise I was in it until everyone around me told me so. So with the help of my loved ones, I got help. I went to the doctors with a handwritten list of every emotion I’d been feeling recently in tow, and somehow managed to open up.
And since then, every day gets easier. My work is improving, I’m spending time with friends, my house is getting tidied, and I’m feeling more like myself. But this isn’t a straight forward road to improvement. I have days where I feel totally locked in that grey, lonely bubble of mine, but I now know that this is something I need to open up about in order to help myself.
Open up, talk to your friends, family, doctor, colleagues, because this isn’t a small, insignificant problem in your life, this is something that millions of other people are feeling too, and it doesn’t have to be something that we all suffer with in silence.
But also, keep an eye out on your loved ones. If it wasn’t for my wonderful friends and family, I’d still feel like I was living in a grey-tinged world, but now, I’m starting to see some colour in my life again.